Tea time

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Here is an album of me having fun eating my favorite cacao concoction in my backyard!
And I also made an album of pictures from this past weekend:
Weekend Fun

(12:29AM) Last night I had a little food party with myself pretty late at night. I gotta start writing it down when I do that b/c I forgot already, but I think I had 50 more garlic almonds, 5 or 6 triple seed crackers with Nur's leeks and then I know I had a chocolate almond milk made with pastuerized almond milk from a carton since I didn't have any made and I got a craving for it. It was (...chuckle...) really good:) I went to bed kinda late, 2 or 3 o clock (sigh). I woke by my preset alarm at 8. I don't like using the alarm clock, but I needed to pick up a tiller from a friend before she went to work. I had a little Bmax/coco left in the fridge (3 or 4 oz), so I drank that sometime in the morning. Then I had an orange around noon, a large salad around 1:30 with one serving of cacao concoction. I spent a lot of time in the yard today. I was trying to till some more sections of my yard, but struggling a great deal. I found out later that I didn't have a certain pin in the right position on the wheels of the tiller, so I got an unnecessary but not unpleasant workout. Anyway, I sweat my little fanny off, so I was drinking oodles of sweet tea all throughout the afternoon. Thats one thing I LOVE about summer (which it felt like today): how awesome yummy cool drinks taste! And sweating. Around 5 I had two stalks of celery with 6-8 oz or so of pesto. I had another cacao treat 2 hours later, 80 some odd garlic almonds around 9 or 10, and 16 oz (yikes) of pasteurized chocolate almond milk. This was not a great idea. I felt a little melancholy afterwards, probably from all the agave in the chocolate milk. The good news is, it passed quickly and I am feeling playful again, even though I need to go to bed soon:)

Mysteries!!!

Photo: This is the new sign I made for my little business, FUL Foods. What do you think?
(12:19PM) It was an excellent day! I went to bed around 1AM last night (good girl...), woke up at 7 and got up at 8! I felt great almost all day. I had a dip in energy b/t noon and 3. I think it may have been from having a lot of Barleymax and my body doing some inner work afterwards. So at noon I had a large glass of Barleymax/coconut water, then 1/2 hour later an orange and 60 garlic almonds b/c I was feeling terribly hungry and the Bmax drink and orange didn't seem to cut it. At 4 I had 20 oz or so of sweet decaf green tea. Around 6 I ate a large salad and 1 serving of cacao dessert. Then I had another two servings of the cacao stuff around 10 (hee hee hee). Just now I had about 60 more garlic almonds. I feel a little full now, but I wanted those almonds!!!! And they tasted so incredible...

So I am a farmers market vendor selling flavored nut/seed things (pretty much all raw stuff). I am supposed to have labels on all my products for health reasons, but I have been having trouble with my technology, so I haven't been able to make and use them. I found out recently that when vendors are not abiding by all the codes, they receive a post card in the mail as a friendly reminder that it needs to be taken care of. So when I got home this afternoon there were 3 postcards in the mail from them. I was thinking to myself, "uh oh", but then I took a closer look. Apparently, the market staff has been using mystery shoppers to make sure everything is satisfactory. Each postcard that I received was filled out by a mystery shopper who bought my products this past Saturday. Check this out: each of them gave me the highest marks in every category (presentation/taste/quality/overall)! WOW! Yippeeee!! I got some nice compliments in the comment sections from each of them, too:) It made me feel SO GOOD! Of course, I'm still gonna have those labels soon, hopefully;)
Yours truly,
Audry

Spinning

Photo - I feel like I have a few things in common with this visitor who came and stayed on my back porch for a couple of days.
(8:25 PM) So I've adopted these crazy sleeping habits lately. Part of the reason is because I can't bring myself to do work indoors for long periods of time during the daylight hours. It seems like such a waste to be inside for so long when I could be outside instead. And I feel so good when I am outside. So I've been doing a lot of work at night as a result. Last night, once again, I only had about three hours of sleep before my market. I realized today I cannot keep doing this. I don't like it one bit. This is at least the third market it a row where I was functioning on three hours or less of sleep. I feel like such a zombie when I do this. I'm still able to truly smile and converse and observe a few things, but underneath I feel this deep exhaustion the whole while. Its no good. My eyes have been hurting lately from not getting enough rest and having my contacts in for too long. I know that that is really not good. Here is an observation I have about it all: even functioning on very little sleep sometimes for days in a row, I have been able to do a pretty decent and efficient job of the things I am working on. I still have some energy, a sense of balance and accurateness in my movements and a fairly clear head, but now that this has been going on for a while and building up in a sense, I realize I can't keep it up. I can get away with it, but I don't enjoy this new sleep-deprived style of things. I am a little fascinated that I have been able to do so much for so long on so little fuel. But its certainly not optimal. I want to figure something else out. Wish me luck. Today I ate 5 oranges before 1pm, about 6-8 strawberries with the tips dipped in honey around 3:30, a large salad around 6pm, and 2 servings of cacao/honey/cashew butter right afterwards. I had no weird digestive feelings or headaches. That was refreshing. It made me feel a little normal again:)

BM update: everything has been A.O.K. ;-)

Pesto Parties

(photo: Paul's heavenly cilantro pesto)
(7:45 PM) Well, I had a whirlwind of a weekend. I went to bed very late Friday night, got only two hours of sleep (!!! Audry, girl! What is going on?) but managed to have a very busy and beautiful Saturday morning at the market. I've had some more strange food reactions this weekend. Saturday morning around 8 or 9 I had two oranges. I started getting that feeling again of not digesting after that, so I didn't have anything else for a while. I actually had a very breif spell of nausea around noon, but it passed very quickly. This has never happened to me before just from eating a few oranges...very mysterious... I had my usual salad around 2:30. Then I drove out to Lake Fausse State Park to spend some time with the Louisiana Himalaya Association folks and get in some good nature-time. I went for a canoe ride with a friend right after I arrived. It was sooooooo nice. I was proud of myself for getting in a boat since I am afraid of the water. It was definitely worth it. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much, that the next morning I got really brave and took a kayak out onto the bayou by myself. This was a huge first for me. I had such a great time in the water by myself, I wanted to stay out there all day. But I also didn't want to miss the TVP - Totally Vegan Potluck back in New Orleans. So I went home, threw together some coconut/cumin dip and drove out to the potluck which was outdoors right next to a small lake/pond. To get back to food, on Saturday night, I had 2 large carrots dipped in a good bit of homemade parsley pesto. I probably had 8 oz or more of pesto! I didn't use oodles of olive oil, though, so it wasn't as heavy as it could have been. It was more like a green dip. It was delicious! When I made the pesto a few days back, I had to, of course, make sure none of the pesto sticking to the sides of the blender went to waste:



On Sunday, I ate two oranges around noon. Got very full again. I had two more oranges while I was at the vegan potluck. Once again, it was easy not to eat the food. I appreciated it very much, it was all beautiful and made with love and skill, but I was not tempted to eat it. Then when I got home around 8 I had a large salad, the usual, and 1 1/2 stalks of celery with Paul's cilantro pesto. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I had 2 servings of my cacao concoction later on, and then crashed around 11 from exhaustion. I woke up this morning around 9 and had three oranges sometime after noon. I ate them slowly and my body felt good after each of them. Around 2 I had my usual salad and 1/2 avocado with 1/2 container of Nur's leeks. Around 5 I had 20 oz of honey-sweetened decaf green tea and two serving of my cacao concoction. All in all, I had a fantastic weekend, but I am ready to slow down a little more and be back at home again, taking care of my work, and working on my new projects, ideas and garden.

The Greenest Green

Photo: Lenny and I looking cool in green
(10:46PM) My good friend Jay the beekeeper recently told me something fascinating about the springtime when I commented on how all the greens in the grasses and trees seemed to be glowing so intensely. He told me that leaves act as disposal systems for plants. Many of the toxins and impurities that a plant absorbs are sent into the leaves so that they may then be disposed of eventually when the leaves fall or are released by the tree. This means that the leaves are at their purest and greenest in the spring. How nice! I didn't realize the greens were actually brighter right now than they will be in a few months. This knowledge has helped me to deepen my appreciation for the way things look right now.

Lenny and I are going to create music together. He will play piano and I will sing. We are going to do some jazzy fun stuff! I'm very excited about this new project of mine.

I have been feeling much, much better today. Almost back to normal. Last night I went to bed late, around 4 am. But right before I went to bed, I got the munchies and had 35 garlic almonds,a little bit of pesto and a few stalks of broccoli w/ coconut/cumin dip. It tasted really good, even that late at night. I woke up around 10:30. At 1 I had a couple of oranges. At 3:30 I had another orange. Around 5 I had a spinach salad with 1/2 avocado, 1/8 cup pumpkin seeds, and honey mustard dressing. Then I had 5 oz of raw spinach dip from Tommie. Then a few bites of rehydrated seaweed salad from Tommie. I finished this off with a serving of my regular cashew/cacao/honey dessert. A few hours later I had 2 more servings of this oh-so-delicious dessert concoction that I'm really growing fond of. That's about it so far.

Speaking of greenery, here are some pictures of my homegrown greens:

And here is a photo of the big garden I have been working on. I now have four rows planted and need to do three more:


I have a camera again. I'm really really glad about this. All in all I had a great day. Lots of smiling and some singing, too. I'm still singing. I feel giggly from all the cacao I've had:) I had a lot to take care of today, but this weekend should be really fun and relaxing.

Whooooopeeeeeeee! Tommie Time!

(Photo: Tommie and me at a Tuesday market last year)
(1:51 AM) Boy I am keeping some regular late hours these days. I'm starting to feel slightly nocturnal. So after my last blog entry a couple of nights ago, I still had all this work to do, but was tired and a little hungry. I tried some triple seed crackers with some of Nur's leeks late at night and it tasted so good and right that I ended up eating about 12-13 of them with a container of leeks and then I followed that up with about 20 or so candied walnuts. Uh-oh. This seemed like a good idea at the time, but an hour or so later I felt weird. This weird feeling has stayed with me more or less since then. I woke up Wednesday and felt strange, like my tummy was not happy about the amount of seeds and walnuts I consumed the night before. I don't quite know how to describe the feeling I had because its a bit new to me, but I will try: a tight throat, a slight headache, a stuck tummy - like things aren't digesting. My face was puffy in the morning as it has been before other times when I had over 10 or so crackers. So I took it easy on Wednesday. Sometime after noon, I had a bmax/coco drink and then around 3:30 I ate a very large bowl of marinated greens w/ avocado. Then I tried something new: for dessert, well it wasn't dessert, but it felt so decadent like a dessert, I took 1/2 avocado and mixed it with some more of Nur's leeks. It was incredible. But I must have eaten too much or too quickly, because I started to feel weird again. Headachey, closed throat and a stuck tummy. This feeling lasted for the rest of the evening. I still felt it when I went to bed around 2:30. The good news is I woke up feeling better this morning. I got up around 10 or 10:30. I was still feeling somewhat odd and afraid of the feelings I had had the day before, so I didn't eat until 1. I had a couple of oranges and was feeling fine. At one o clock I had a reunion date in the park with my dear super special friend Tommie. I had the best time. I LOVE being with Tommie. Tommie and I used to be market neighbors at the Tuesday market until she had to stop coming to that market for various reasons. Man did we used to have some serious fun sharing green smoothies and kombucha. I miss her so much all the time and I rarely get to see her anymore. She lives about two hours away, is a sprout farmer and is also transitioning to raw food. She is so incredible and positive and full of joy and goodness. It really is a treat to be in her presence. We had a wonderful time catching up. She brought all these delicious raw goodies. I missed my camera so much today. I wanted to take pictures of her in her beautiful cotton dress and all her yummy raw creations to share with you on this blog. I tasted a little of everything, but I was starting to feel weird again, like my body was saying "don't eat food!", so I didn't eat very much, but here's the strange thing: the weird feelings did return. They have been on and off since then. I ate the most wonderful salad in the world today around 5:30: my homegrown lettuce picked just minutes before, Tommie's fresh pea and sunflower shoots, 1/2 avocado, 1/8 cup soaked pumpkin seeds and honey mustard dressing. By the way, the honey in the dressing is raw honey from my friend Jay, the beekeeper. Let me tell you, I was still so high from spending time with Tommie, and then that salad was so full of flavor and love from me, Tommie, and Jay that it sent me straight to cloud 9. Over the top. After the salad I had 5 oz of raw spinach dip from Tommie and then I finished it off with 1 serving of cashew butter/cacao/honey. Unfortunately, the weird feelings returned again soon after eating. Around 9 or 10 I drank a little sweet herbal tea. Then around midnight I had 20 sprouted chili almonds from Tommie and a watered down glass of chocolate brazil nut milk, hoping it might help me feel better. It did actually. I felt unstuck and energized for at least an hour, but now I am feeling weirdness all over again. Sigh. What to do, what to do...I don't quite understand. We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Thoughts on beauty and suffering...

(10:34PM) Last night I went to bed around 1 or 2 and today was a market day so I woke up around 6. I got the day off to a rough start. I dropped and broke my new digital camera, for the second time. I did the same thing two weeks ago, but with another camera: this was the replacement camera. So in less than two weeks I have broken two brand new digital cameras in the same way: by dropping them on the ground. But rather than going into detail over it, I would like to instead add here some excerpts that I really liked from Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth:
"Suffering begins when you mentally name or label a situation in some way as undesirable or bad. Go beyond good and bad by refraining from mentally labeling anything as good or bad...Watch what happens when you don't name an experience as "bad" and instead bring an inner acceptance, an inner "yes" to it, and so let it be as it is...This is the miracle. Behind every condition, person or situation that appears "bad" or "evil" lies concealed a deeper good. That deeper good reveals itself to you - both within and without - through inner acceptance of what is." I love these words.

It was a lovely day at the market. Perfect weather, lots of smiling people and sunshine. From the moment I arrived at the market until the very end, I was (somewhat surprisingly) all full of big ole smiles:))))) My market neighbor Josh told me I was glowing and I felt like it. I had a Bmax/coco drink around 10 or 11 and 4-5 medium oranges around 12/1pm. I got home and fixed a giant salad: my usual. Then I had 7-8 triple seed crackers with pesto. Several hours later I had 2 servings of my latest favorite dessert: cashew butter w/ honey and cacao nibs. Then around 8/9 I had some broccoli with coconut/cumin dip and 24 oz of super sweet tea. Too sweet. I feel a little hazy from all that honey, maybe.

I love working in my new garden. There is something that feels so right about it. So far, it is one of the most satisfying things I have ever done.

I recently found out about and joined this thing eat.rawfood.com that is a social networking site (similar to mySpace) for raw foodists. Well I have only posted one picture of myself and written a couple of lines on my profile there, but today a perfect stranger sent me this message: "you are SO beautiful your eyes remind me of ancient wisdom" It was the nicest thing. It got me thinking about beauty. Most of my life I have not been in touch with my beauty. I have only recently begun to discover it. For so long, my whole life so far, almost, I have thought I was unattractive and boring. That has begun to change. Beauty is so intriguing to me. The more beauty I find and see in myself, the more I see in other people. People are more beautiful to me now than they ever were before. I feel so strongly attracted to so many people in a way that I never was before. And I am amazed and in awe sometimes at how the beauty of someone's eyes - just their eyes - can totally captivate and mesmerize me. I never saw it this way before, but now I see people's eyes as something very, very special: their special set of jewels from nature. And perhaps it is because I am not as afraid of people as I used to be so I will stand closer to them in conversation, perhaps it is because I wear contacts now and used to wear smudgy glasses, or perhaps it is because my vision has improved as my diet has improved, but I can see all these details in people's irises when I get up close that I never knew existed. I looked up the wiki definition for Iris and I found out something very neat: "The word (iris) comes from Greek mythology, in which Iris is the anthropromorphized form of the rainbow." EXACTLY! That's it! Some people's eyes ARE kind of like rainbows and I never knew this until recently. I never was able to see this! And of course there is so much more to looking into someone eyes than just observing their iris - there is the MAGIC! The MYSTERY! The intense way it makes you feel sometimes...

I wish we told each other more often how beautiful we see each other to be. I will try to work on this in myself.

My very own salad

(12:16 AM) Last night I went to bed at 2am. I woke up this morning at 10 and got up at 10. I ate four oranges and then 60 garlic almonds around noon. At 2 I had 6 triple seed crackers with some parsley pesto that I made since I ate up all of Paul's. I was afraid that perhaps this might be too heavy since I had already eaten so many almonds just a few hours earlier, but after I ate the crackers and pesto I felt great. I also had 24 oz. of sweet herbal tea right after I had the crackers. Around 6 I had a giant salad. It was a very special salad. It contained my very first homegrown lettuce. It was deliciously fresh - quite a treat. I also threw in 1/2 avocado and 1/8 cup soaked pumpkin seeds and dressed it all with (surprise!) honey mustard dressing:) Right after the salad I had 1 1/2 servings of cashew butter/cacao nibs/honey. I haven't felt hungry for anything since then. I feel perfect actually and I felt pretty great almost all day, with the exception of right after I ate all the almonds. They were fresh, wet garlic almonds from the fridge, but I felt them digesting. I did some more work on the garden and in the kitchen today...nothing much else to report...

Oh, 2 BMs: one in the morning and one in the evening. Both quite sizable and solid. No complaints here. The one in the evening was actually very sizable and I felt really energized afterwards. I'm really liking all my BMs. :) :) :)

This magic moment!

(Jay's fabulous arugula salad from last weeks raw food potluck -- I keep thinking about it. It was truly incredible!)

(8:21 PM)
To help get into the mood of this entry, click here --> This magic moment
Well, actually that song has nothing to do with this entry, but I like it and the video made me smile so I put it there anyway!

Goodness gracious, what a weekend its been! I got three hours of sleep Friday night. Woke up around 5 and got ready for the market. It was a very magical day! I had a Bmax/coco drink in the morning. I didn't get a chance to eat because I was engaged in so much great conversation at the market. I get so high at the market sometimes. I have a lot of magical exchanges with human beings there. Special and exciting things always seem to happen. I can't really explain it...

I had 4 oranges around 12:45 on the way home. I ate a large salad around 1:30 or 2 w/ 1/2 avocado, pumpkin seeds, and alas, honey mustard dressing (no time to experiment with new dressings, yet). It was still delicious. I had about 5 triple seed crackers w/ Paul's Cilantro Chipotle Fiesta pesto. I can't get that stuff to last more than two days at my house! It is one of my absolute favorite foods right now. I will be so sad when it gets too hot for the cilantro this summer:( If I recall correctly, I think a little afterwards I also fixed a serving or two of cacao nibs/honey/cashew butter. I also drank 16 oz or so of honey-sweetened herbal tea at some point. Around 6 I felt exhausted so I laid down. I must have really needed some sleep because, with a small exception, I more or less slept until noon today. WOW! That totals 18 hours!!!!! I must have also been physically tired from all that yard work the day before. I feel great now. Since I've been working my fanny off in the kitchen this week, I was a little caught up with things so I spent a lot of time on myself today: a little correspondence on the computer and some more work out in the yard. I did a lot of smiling to myself while I was outside working. I am excited about so many things right now. I brought the CD player with me outside and played my favorite Innocence Mission tunes while I was out there digging in the dirt. I love the songs of The Innocence Mission. I always feel full of peace and joy and life when I listen to them. They sing a lot about the birds and flowers. I like that. Plus, I think the singer, Karen Peris, is absolutely beautiful. There are pictures of her here on The Innocence Mission website. This is a really nice photo of her that I like: Karen Peris



Next week is the vegan potluck and its going to be outdoors on a lot of acreage near a pond this time. How lovely! I'm so much looking forward to it! I think I will make a great big beautiful green salad.

Today I fixed a Bmax/coco drink around 12:30 and then a large salad around 2. At 4:30 I had two servings of cashew butter/honey/cacao nibs and then at 8, I had 5 triple seed crackers with the rest of Paul's pesto from heaven.

BMs: Had one yesterday after my afternoon salad - medium amount. Had one large one around (strangely) 1 am when I woke up for a short bit to take out my contacts. Had one sizable one after my bmax/coco drink and then another pretty large one sometime in the afternoon. All these BMs...I guess since I rested for so long, my body was able to do a lot of cleaning...These last several weeks it feels like my waist and hips are getting a little bit smaller. I don't know if its true or not, its just a hunch. And my skin looks good. I've also felt a LOT of energy lately. Which is good, I need it if I want to follow through with all my garden visions:)

Now that the sun has set, I will be getting back to my kitchen duties shortly.

Ms. Rosemary and Mr. Honey Mustard

Mosquito hawks mating on the rosemary.
(12:59AM) I got up around 10. I had 2 BMs, nothing special. Around 12 I had some Barleymax/coconut water. Around 1 I had a large salad w/ 1/2 avocado and honey/mustard dressing, 4 triple seed crackers, 10 garlic almonds and 2 oz. of garlic curry dip. Then I tried 4 oz. of chocolate brazil nut milk. This did not sit well with me. I felt strange for a few hours from this. Like the milk was not digesting - it felt stuck. I drank some sweet herbal tea a few hours later. Around 7 I had 40 garlic almonds. Then around 9:30 I had two servings of cashew butter/honey/cacao nibs. Around midnight I had 40 or so more garlic almonds and some more sweet tea. I think that's about right. This is getting hard to keep track of! It's quite a lot to remember. I felt really good all day besides after the brazil nut milk. I did more digging and planting out in the yard today. I feel the need to try out new salad dressings. The honey mustard is good, but I want something new.

Whew...

(12:13AM) This life is some roller coaster ride. I had a lot of feelings today. I didn't know what to do with them all, so I rode my bike on the levee and looked at the sun for a while before it set. I cried hard. The sun had a halo around it. Maybe several. They looked like rainbows. Then I sat by the river for a bit. The water was softly lapping up against the rocks. I didn't want to leave. Life is such a powerful experience. Sometimes so powerful it seems overwhelming. I feel full of love tonight, despite this clean, crisp sadness.

Food: Last night I didn't know quite what to do with myself without my computer. That's a bit of an interesting thing, but its the truth. I am doing so much with the computer these days. Well, I was out of almond milk, so I opened up one of those nonperishable soymilk cartons and made some chocolate milk with it. I went outside and sipped it while looking up at the sky and listening to some music. I had about 16 oz. of soy chocolate milk. I don't plan on making this a staple in my diet, but if I must stray from the ideal, it seemed like a much better alternative than eating cooked chocolate or some other cooked food. I didn't feel badly after drinking it either. And it did taste delicious:) No headache afterwards either like the almond milk seemed to be giving me.

I went to bed around 1 or 2 and woke up around 8:30. I had two sizable BMs one after the other and then another sizable one 3 hours later. Around 11:30 I had 3 oranges. I had 2 more at 2 and then ate a very large salad around 3 w/ 2/3 avocado, 1/8 cup soaked pumpkin seeds and honey/mustard/cider dressing. I felt so satisfied with the salad that I forgot about dessert and just laid out in the sunshine for a while instead. Oh, and it felt soooooooooo goooooooood. It's been a few days since we had some good sun. Around 9:30, I wasn't super hungry, but I wanted something to eat. I was truly craving more salad instead of something heavier like crackers or dessert, so I fixed another salad. I made it with 2/3 avocado and a medium amount of lettuce. It tasted just as wonderful as the first. I think I might try to incorporate 2 salads into my day instead of just one. Around 10:30 I was ready for heavier foods so I had 50 garlic almonds, 16 oz of soy chocolate milk again and 1 serving of cashew butter/honey/cacao nibs. I am going to soak brazil nuts tonight and make milk from it in the morning to get something a little more pure in my system. Just thinking about drinking all that soymilk makes me feel a little gunky, not to mention it does feel heavier in my system tonight. I did miss my Barleymax drink today, but I ran out of coconuts to make it with:(

I am excited about tomorrow. I am going to dig up even more of the yard and do some more planting. Now seems like the best time for it, so I am seizing this opportunity. I will really try to get all my kitchen work done in good time so I can get a decent night's sleep tomorrow for my Saturday market.

To see photos from this past weekend's raw food potluck, go here:
March 2007 Raw Food Potluck

Curve balls

(7:52 PM) I am here at the library working on the computer because I think my computer at home may be toast. I hope I am wrong. This isn't exactly an opportune time since I have begun to do so much with it lately. Last night I ended up having more work to do before I could go to sleep and my mind was still on food, so I had 30 candied walnuts as I finished things up. I went to bed around 3 am and woke up at 10 am. I felt pretty refreshed. At 12:30 today I drank some Bmax/coconut water. An hour later I had an orange. At 4 I had a large salad w/ 1/2 avocado and 1/4 cup soaked pumpkin seeds, 2 oz of pesto w/ 4 triple seed crackers, 10 garlic almonds and 1 serving of cashew butter/cacao nibs/choc. syrup. Around six I had another serving of this, 15 candied walnuts, and 25 garlic almonds since I still felt hungry. This did the trick. I am feeling quite perfect right now. I also drank a little sweet herbal tea over the last few hours.

I had a great day with the kids at Green Elementary today. The weather was a little gloomy, so we stayed indoors and had a cooking class. We made strawberry parfait. I think I know just about everyone's name now. I got some great ideas about doing raw food preparation demos for the kids that I work with. I can't wait to introduce them to and show them how to make some yummy raw foods. The instructors I work with are really excited about the idea, too!

I am on top of my kitchen tasks and I am only sorry that I will not be able to get some things done on the computer tonight. There is much to take care of it seems. But I will make good use of this situation and try and tackle cleaning up some things around the house, such as my room (which is in very soar need of some cleaning) . I had one medium BM today sometime before noon. My energy level and mood have been really even and up today. I noticed from some recent pictures of myself that I am really starting to get some natural highlights in my hair from spending more time outdoors. I like them:)

Grumpty Dumpty

(1:20AM) I did not go to bed last night. I laid down for 1 hour b/t 5 and 6 AM. This lack of sleep had a strong effect on me today. I felt like I wasn't smiling as much as usual and when I did try smiling, it didn't feel like it was coming from deep inside. I was actually pretty grumpy a few times today.

So since I stayed up all night, I ate 50 garlic almonds and had a cacao brownie w/ a little choc. sauce drizzled on top sometime around 2 in the morning. I was actually pretty hungry for those almonds by that time. They really energized me, too. This morning around 8 I had two oranges and the leftover arugula salad from the potluck Sunday. My appetite was very strange today. I was pretty hungry all day long, maybe because I was just trying to use food as fuel since I hadn't gotten any sleep. Around 10 I had a handful of candied walnuts. I also drank Bmax/coconut water throughout the morning. At 12:30 I made a lunch out of broccoli and coconut dip. I got home around 3:30 and felt hungry still so I had about 10 almond/flax crackers (so much for shying away from them!) and 2 containers of Nur's leeks!!!! I also had an ounce or two of Paul's pesto and two servings worth of cashew butter/cacao/honey. I drank about 24 oz of sweet herbal tea in the evening. At midnight I had 2 more oranges, 50 garlic almonds and about 10 candied walnuts. I could still eat more, but it would be better to just go to bed at this point:)

THIS...IS...IT!!!!

(11:15PM) CHEERS!!! I am toasting to a special event. Tonight is most likely a very usual Monday night for most, but for me, it is a special occasion: I have decided tonight I will go public with my blog. Well, after quite a while of not having them, I have butterflies in my stomach again:) I am VERY NERVOUS!!!!

I suppose this is a good spot for a small introduction: I have recently been inspired by several people with blogs to create my own. I am in a state of transitioning to raw foods and it is a very important part of my life now. The main goal of this blog is to document that transition. I hope to keep a log of the foods I am eating, my sleeping patterns, some descriptions of my bowel movements (this part is a little scary/embarrassing for me to disclose, but I feel that it is an important thing for me to pay attention to), the activities I am engaging in, and some of my thoughts and feelings. The address for this blog is FULfillingmyself.blogspot.com. The 'FUL' in 'FULfillingmyself' represents my personal motto of "Filling Up on Life". Also, the name of my small business of selling raw foods at the farmers market is "FUL Foods". Everything seems to tie together because I began the business partly as a tool for myself to explore raw foods further. Since I eat a lot of the foods I make for the market and this blog keeps a record of those things that I am eating, there is an added significance to the address of this blog: I am filling myself with FUL Foods:)

And here we go: Today I woke up around 9 and got up around 10:15. Lately, I have begun to feel very strong feelings and urges to get more serious about growing (or trying to grow) some of my own food. I know almost nothing about gardening in general, let alone organic/sustainable methods. But I am forging ahead anyway. People in the know around here seem to be saying that now is the THE TIME TO PLANT in southern Louisiana. It gets so hot so quickly and I want to do my best to stay on top of the ball. So this past week, and today especially, I have been digging up some sections of the backyard. It has been a lot of fun so far. I am proud because I got a lot of things in the ground today: three kinds of herbs, two kinds of tomatoes, some bell peppers, and some cucumber. I have a few things out in the front yard growing already, and I planted a few herbs last week. I also tried sowing some seeds a few days ago, so I am watching them carefully to see how it goes. I have almost no experience with sowing seeds directly into the ground. Here are a few pictures:

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Around noon I had Barleymax/coconut water. Then a little later I had two oranges. Around 2 I had the delicious cucumber/arugula/purple onion salad leftover from yesterday's potluck. Around 4 I had a large salad of mixed greens with 1/3 avocado, 1/8 c soaked pumpkin seeds, and a honey/creole mustard dressing. I also had about 7 or so carrot slivers with the coconut dip leftover from yesterday. Maybe 30 minutes later I had 8 oz. of chocolate almond milk and then a serving of cashew butter/cacao/honey. Around 8:30 I had broccoli w/ coconut dip, and then a little later about 1 T of ground up cacao nibs with a little hemp seed oil and 1/2 t honey. I also had about 16 oz of sweet herbal tea throughout the evening. I had a very good day food/energy wise. No tummy troubles, high energy levels, in a very good mood all day, feeling pretty excellent overall. Three large BMs today, the first one being the most solid and the last one being pretty soft. OK, time to finish up work in the kitchen!!!!!

Yesterday was the raw food potluck! It was small, but quite special and intimate. I will try and post some pictures from the potluck very soon.

I had a Bmax/coconut water drink sometime in the morning and then held off my appetite for the potluck goodies. I had some, cucumber salad, mixed green salad, arugula salad, a little coconut dip with carrot slices, 2 carob/pumpkin seed concoctions (more on those later) and probably 12-13 date/nut balls. I had about 5 date/nut balls at the potluck - they were delicious - and I took about 8 of them home. Alas, I ate them all shortly after I got home and was pretty full for the rest of the evening.

Going public

So this is my 26th blog entry. It's been over a month since I have been web journaling here, now. I'm starting to get the feeling it is time to go public with this blog soon. I feel like I have gotten quite a few signs that it is time. Part of me is very afraid. But I feel that making and maintaining a public blog of the foods I am eating, the activities I am engaging in, and the feelings I am having is an opportunity for me to grow and possibly for others to learn or gain something from. So here goes:

I went to bed at 1:30AM and woke up at 5:00AM. I did NOT feel like getting out of bed this morning. I felt tired (3 and 1/2 hours is not the amount of sleep I like to function on), but more importantly, sad. I was able to shake the feeling of sadness pretty quickly (thank goodness!) and by the time I hit the rode around 6:15, I was feeling pretty high on life and singing along loudly to good old Edith Frost. It got me humming pretty tunes to myself while I set up for the market, too. I also got to see the sun rise on the way there and it was beautiful. Today was a great market.

The weather was perfect and lots of people were there! I got home around 2 and made my usual salad (mixed greens, 1/2 avocado, 1/8 cup soaked pumpkin seeds and a honey/dijon mustard/apple cider vinegarette). I followed this with about 2-3 oz garlic curry dip by itself. Then 12 oz or so of chocolate almond milk. I still wanted something sweet, so I fixed a dessert of cashew butter/honey/cacao nibs. It was delicious!!! But then comes the bad news: things went a little downhill from there. I got tired and lost my vivacity and energy. I also started to feel sad and bummed out again:( I decided to lie down for a little while. While I was lying down I continued to feel sad and bummed out. Why??? I think these feelings might be connected to the honey and agave I consumed? Does sugar give me the blues? I wish I had this all figured out. I don't like being bummed out. Actually, these recent feelings the last couple of weeks of sadness and loneliness are a wonderful opportunity. I know something good will come from them. I feel like they are going to shift soon.

Around 7:30, I wasn't particularly hungry, but needed an energy boost, so I had 60 garlic almonds, and then about 1/3 cup candied walnuts. That was probably more than I needed but I don't mind because I remembered that HEY!!!! I am eating lots of wonderful raw foods successfully! I don't even want any cooked food right now, with the exception of Nur's leeks, of course:) That's a BIG DEAL! So what if I have been overeating here and there? I know it will not last, I know deep down that it is just part of my transition. I have come a long way so far and I am very grateful for that :) :) :)

Tomorrow is the raw food potluck in the park!!!!!!!! I am truly exited. I can't wait to share some of my food and thoughts with everyone and see how everyone is doing. I will also be taking lots and lots of wonderful pictures (surprise, surprise). I have a feeling that tomorrow will be a really special potluck ;)

Note: I had a good-sized BM around 3. It was a little soft and somewhat narrow and this surprised me because I thought the Barleymax was helping me out in that dept. (Shrug).

Taking a load off :) :) :)

(11:41 AM) Get a load of this: I had 4 BMs within the last three hours! All very, very sizable. I must have lost a pound or more:) FOUR!!!!! Holy camole. I feel GREAT, too. Very energized and I have that tingling sensation in my tummy/intestines that feels like its cleaning itself out. It's not like I ate that much yesterday either. Actually I felt like I ate a little bit less than usual.

(4:06 PM) It's been an adventurous day so far. I drank my Barleymax and coconut water. This time I used two servings of Bmax. I did some sunbathing b/t 10:30 and 11:30 and then I packed up to go for an outing to Whole Foods for some celery and buckwheat. I live on the Westbank side of the Mississippi River and to get across the river here, you must drive since bikes are not allowed on the bridge and it would be a suicide mission to try and bike over the Huey P. Long bridge anyway. The problem is, most everything is on the other side of the river (the Eastbank side). So I decided to put my bike in the car, drive over the bridge, park and then bike to Whole Foods, the only place in town where you can get organic celery, which I use in the garlic curry dip I make for the market. They were doing all kinds of construction on the bridge so I got to daydream and sing out loud as we all crept slowly over it. That was fun. I took a bunch of pictures, too. There was this one group of about 10 construction worker guys all leaning over the railing together and chatting and I tried to stick my camera out the window and get a picture of them. They liked that a lot! I waved at them and smiled as I drove past. Unfortunately, I am still getting the hang of things and I didn't even get them in the shot. Oh well, I'll try to do better next time. It made me smile and giggle the rest of the way over the bridge. Here are some pictures I took:

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I had a really nice ride to the store. I used my discman for the portion of the ride along the levee and listened to some great dance music. It made me dance on my bike most of the way. That was really fun:) People below in the cars passing by may have enjoyed it, too. I rode back in silence b/c the batteries went out:( I still really enjoyed the ride. I came home and fixed a big salad - the usual, had almost 5 oz of garlic curry dip just eating it with my finger as a dipping stick, and then about 10oz of chocolate almond milk. It tasted delicious, but I think it has been giving me a headache. I have noticed this lately. I think it might be the almonds. Perhaps I need to use a variety of nuts and seeds instead of just almonds to make my milk so I don't get poisons in small amounts. I sat out in the sun and ate and I am really excited because I think I am pretty much ready to go public with this blog. The raw food potluck is this weekend and I can't wait to share some good new food concoctions with everyone. I also have an idea to construct recipe demos using words and photos and putting them online somehow. Maybe using a Bubbleshare album on MySpace. I have a market tomorrow and the weather is going to be absolutely gorgeous. I also have a lot of good new music to dance around to as I work on stuff in the kitchen tonight. I love music and dancing. I'm so glad to have rediscovered this part of myself. I remember singing and dancing a lot as a child.

(8:53PM) Well I had another solid large BM around 5. Something is definitely going on. I don't know if I have ever eliminated this much in one day in my entire life! I'm feeling a little bummed out for some reason. I also still have this headache. I guess my emotions and the headache are related in some way. I wonder if it is from all the time I spent in the sun today. Maybe I didn't get enough liquids in today??? It has been months since I got as much sun as I did today, but still...Another theory is that these headaches are due to the sugars in my diet in the form of honey and agave. Hmmmm....Well, I have a new food decision/observation to share: I think I am going to try and lay off of crackers for a little while. I get the feeling that because they are a dehydrated food, they are a lot harder on my system and maybe that is why I have been feeling so intensely after eating them sometimes. It couldn't hurt. Also, a little while ago I had the idea to try and get more fat intake in a liquid form, that is nut milks and cold-pressed oils, but I am having some doubts about this, too. The thing is, when I drink almond milk, sometimes I feel like the fiber should be there to help me digest it all more properly. Another way of thinking of it is perhaps it is good to get in the nut fiber because then I will have a better sense of how much fat is enough for my body because the fiber will fill me up and tell me. Anyway, I've been feeling better after eating my garlic almonds lately than I have after drinking my chocolate almond milk. So I am going for a more whole-foods approach now. Around 8:30 I had 8 more oz of Bmax/coconut water (hoping it would help my mood and maybe even my headache) and then I had three teaspoons full of soaked pumpkin and sunflower seeds seasoned with a little Bragg's and nutritional yeast. I still feel a little hungry, so if that persists I will eat some oranges or a late night salad.

Ahhhhh, its so much better to be outside

(2:14AM) I gotta start gettin to bed earlier. Today was great (whew, thank goodness, I was starting to get a little worried). I went to bed around 2:30 last night, got up a little after 10:30, put in my contacts, raised the blinds, saw that it was sunny and warm, ran and put my bathing suit on, grabbed my towel and hat and laid out in the sun for about 45 minutes. It was a perfect way to start the day. Very relaxing and stimulating at the same time. It feels so theraputic to get that time in the sun. Afterwards I had an awesome stretching session that hit the spot. Since I had a little time to spend on myself today, I decided to go across town in search of young coconuts (to drink with Barleymax). I was successful and came home with about 7 young ones and 2 middle-aged ones that I need for a new recipe I would like to make soon: fudge. I didn't get back until around 1:30. I drank two servings worth of Barleymax/coconut water. It hit the spot. I like having the Barleymax/coconut water as the first thing I consume. Its like having a serving of double energy: green energy, and fructose energy, all wrapped up in one easy-to-digest package. I was really hungry since I hadn't eaten anything else yet, so I used my quick fix technique: almond milk (with chocolate syrup, of course). Then around 3:30 I had a medium salad w/ honey mustard dressing, 4 crackers w/ Paul's pesto, and another chocolate milk - 8oz. Later I had 24 oz sweet tea, 30 garlic almonds, and two servings of almond butter/honey/cacao dessert. I made it a point to do some gardening outside since the weather was perfect and my soul has been pining for it. I got a lot accomplished. I'm very proud. Now it is time to go to bed.

Something isn't quite right

(2am) Felt weird this morning. Full from the crackers. Had vivid dreams and my face was puffy again. I got up sometime after 10. Had two good BMs. First was better than the second. I had 12 oz of coconut water w/ 2 servings of Barley max around 11:30. Had 3 oranges around 2:15. Had a salad w/ garlic curry dip as dressing around 4:30. had 3 triple seed crackers w/ pesto. had some dessert around 7:30. Had 24 oz or so of sweet tea. Had 50 garlic almonds, 3 more crackers w/ pesto, 12 oz or so of chocolate milk. Feeling weird. I have a strange feeling in my throat. I need to be OUTSIDE MORE!!!

Nothing to report

(5:40 PM) I went to bed around 12:30 and woke up around 5:30. I ate something like 5 oranges, some of them were pretty small, before 1. Then around 1:30 I had a BarleyMax. My body was craving solids, though. I really wanted to sink my teeth into some greens rather than drink some watery ones. I felt so hungry by the time I ate. I had a large salad, the usual, one serving of pumpkin seed/cacao dessert, then I was still hungry so I had 10 garlic almonds. Still hungry so I had about 15 almond flax carckers (!!!) with an entire container of Nur's leeks! A tiny scoop (or two) of Paul's pesto and an entire 28 oz or so of super sweet tea. I'm not feeling too bad considering how much I ate. My face feels a little tingly, numb, and strange. Maybe from all the caffeine in the tea. I had a wonderful BM after I ate my salad. VERY large (I love that!) and solid. It felt like more old stuff coming out!!! Man, I sure was hungry. Where did that appetite come from??? I am a little tired now and think I will go listen to some music outside as the sun sets.

Mediocrity...

(12:11 AM) I went to bed shortly after ten last night and got out of bed around 10:30 this morning. I don't know when I woke up, but I just didn't feel like getting out of bed:( Around 2 AM I woke in the middle of the night with a sharp pain in my stomach and under my right lung. It hurt very badly for a while. I've never experienced anything like it. I can't say how long it lasted, maybe 10 minutes, maybe 30, but it went away and that was the last of it. I really didn't feel excited this morning. I felt a little hopeless, lonely, and sad. It didn't last long, but the rest of the day was just mediocre. No strong feelings of joy. I had 2 oranges around noon immediately followed by 60 garlic almonds. I drank 16 oz of sweet tea and then around 4:30 or 5 I had 7 almond/flax crackers w/ garlic curry dip and a then an 8 oz chocolate coffee. Around 8, I had a Barleymax and then at 8:30 a medium salad w/ pumpkin seeds. I had two servings of my new special dessert and then 4 oz of sweet tea. Sigh. I hope tomorrow is better. I want to be outside more.

Barleymax

(9:26 PM) I went to bed around 2 and woke up around 8:30. I would have slept longer, but circumstances did not allow. My friend Jay came over at 8:30 to do some work on my car. He brought some Barleymax over to my house and around 11:30 I had a Barleymax drink. Two minutes after I drank it I was still hungry and could have had another one. Five minutes after I drank it I was totally glad that I hadn't had another one, b/c I felt really full for a little while. It passed pretty quickly. I guess I should have drunk it slowly, but I was already pretty hungry. Then around 12 or 12:30 I had a small bowl with 1/3 avocado and marinated greens. In the afternoon I had 32 oz of sweet caffeinated tea. Around 5:30 I had a large bowl of marinated greens with 1/2 avocado and some pumpkin seeds and 6 - 7 almond/flax crackers with garlic curry dip. The second bowl of greens gave me a scratchy throat again. Then I had an 8 oz chocolate milk. Just now, I had an 8 oz. chocolate coffee. I had one BM sometime in the afternoon. Pretty long and pretty solid. Must have been yesterdays large salad. I got all my work done early today. Now it is before 10 and I don't really have much to do. Its a nice feeling. I think I will go do some reading.

Plain old tired (from lack of sleep)

(1:04 AM) Yikes, I need some sleep. Today I had a 16 oz glass of sweet tea for breakfast, then 8 oz. coconut water with 1 t green powder, then 20 garlic almonds around 1, then 5 crackers w/ garlic curry seed dip around 3, then 1 really large salad around 5:30 followed by the pumpkin seed/almond butter dessert. Everything was delicious, though I think the salad I fixed may have been too big. Perhaps I didn't need that much...I had a BM around 6, it was a good amount, but fairly soft, very long and narrow. Around midnight I had an 8 oz chocolate coffee drink to top me off. I went to bed around 1 last night and woke up shortly after five. I was tired this morning and it took me a while to get out of bed. Also, each time I've stopped for a moment, I feel this tiredness. I need to go to bed, but I still have a few things left to do in the kitchen. Today I had a lot of thoughts and feelings (including strong feelings of loneliness and sadness), but I will update them tomorrow.

This is bathing suit weather, baby!

(11:26 PM) Went to bed around 2, but woke up refreshed around 8. Got up at 8. Had a solid, narrow BM of medium amount. I ate three oranges throughout the morning and had my usual salad around 3. I had a pumpkin seed/cacao/honey/almond butter dessert. Around 6:30 I had 7 triple seed crackers with Nur's leeks and 2 servings of the above mentioned desserts. I also had at least 24 oz of sweet tea, some w/ caffeine, some w/o. I had a 2nd BM in the early evening. Nothing notable. My tummy just started to hurt a bit. I haven't had any food or drink for a few hours, but nonetheless, its feeling weird.

I had a super day. I took pics of myself outside eating salad. I also put some baby herbs in the ground. The sky was gorgeous all day long.

Nightmares

(11:01 PM) Well, last night was terrible. I had a series of very scary nightmares, one of which I got shot in the stomach in and was seeking help. I woke up totally out of it, and my stomach felt like it had rocks in it still. So I'm not surprised I was feeling intense pain there in the dream. I woke up pretty freaked out. I got up around nine am and my eyes were totally bloodshot and very sore from napping w/ my contacts in. I still felt full of rocks in the morning. YUCK! I ate a couple of oranges sometime after noon. I had a glass of coconut water with green powder in the afternoon and around 4 I think I had my usual wonderful salad. I was a little reluctant to eat something because of my funny tummy, but I did and was fine. About an hour later I had 16 oz of chocolate almond milk. Then at night, maybe 8:30, I had another orange, 5 triple seed crackers w/ cilantro dip, and a mixture of 1 Tablespoon of almond butter/1 t honey/1 t cacao nibs. Then I also had about 12 oz of sweet caffeinated tea. I'm feeling good right now, though. I had a BM around 4 or 5. Medium size. Pretty solid. But then I had another BM a few hours later: medium amount, but not so solid. Hopefully it was an exorcising BM, removing whatever demon substances that caused me to feel so terrible. I hope tomorrow is much, much better...

Here are pictures of a beautiful yummy salad. Just looking at them makes me feel better:)