Sighs

(10:00)

I woke up at seven today and then stayed in a half-awake dream state in bed until 10. So I got about four hours of cold solid sleep and three hours of half-awake sleep. Thats been the pattern lately. I've been having some really bizarre thoughts during these half-awake times, but I've been having some really creative ideas, too. I keep thinking about the new things I want to do during this sleep phase, like marching with the pussyfooters (a female dancing troupe in the Krewe of Muses), taking female carpentry courses, and singing/dancing with a band. These ideas have all been coming very strong to me during this part of my sleep. I've been thinking about my fears, lately, and how maybe I should try to confront some of them. For instance, maybe I need to go out and swim in some really super funky natural bodies of water. Maybe I need to be naked in public somehow. Those are the two that seem to be the scariest. I can imagine the swimming more easily than I can imagine getting naked in public. Thats funny. The latter seems a lot less dangerous. I am hoping to spend some much needed time out in nature today over at Jean Lafitte. I need to find some inner peace today.

(11:47 AM)

I had an orange and 17 almond/flax crackers w/ a little cilantro dip, but mainly with Nur's leeks

(8:37 PM)

The crackers and leeks from noontime have felt like rocks in my stomach. Maybe its because the leeks are cooked. Maybe its because 17 is too many crackers. I don't know. I felt somewhat unpleasantly full at least all the way up to 6 o clock! I still felt weird and full at 7, but I tried some food and it tasted good, so I had:

about 7 triple seed crackers with cilantro dip
12 oz. chocolate milk

And honestly, I feel a bit queasy right now. I also have been feeling a little aimless today. I went to Jean Lafitte and spent the afternoon there. It was nice, but not spectacular as I had hoped. I didn't feel real "high". But then around 5 or so, after the gates to the parking lot were locked, but I was still in the park, I did some wild dancing with my discman by the Bayou des Familles. That was the best part. The sun was in her last stages of setting and I felt totally free and spontaneous and open to the sky. I would like to do more of that. Now I am back home feeling a bit aimless again. Like I am waiting for something to happen. (sigh) Today is Lundi Gras. I am at home doing nothing special. Just making too big of a deal of whether I should check my myspace or not. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz, Louuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise! Wish I was as high as Angela Stokes sounds--Oh, she answered my questions on her blog!!!!!!!!! That was AWESOME!!!!

I still can't get my camera pictures into the computer:(((( Crud! (more sighs) Maybe I should go out tonight and look for some excitement. I can't make up my mind, so I will just surrender to my own state of indecision for now.