Friday, April 6, 2007

Thoughts on FAT

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These photos are of my completed vegetable garden and the neighbor's cat who likes my garden almost as much as I do!
(8:17 PM)
WOW! So much is going on in my life this week it feels like! So lets begin with yesterday:
I had crazy-out-the-roof energy and feelings of excitement yesterday. I haven't been able to calm down since then. I woke up around 8 and had two or three oranges for breakfast around 11:30. Then I got in the car (ughhh) and ran some errands. I was super hungry when I got home. I fixed a large salad of mixed greens with some home grown cilantro and chickweed, 1/2 avocado, 1/8 c soaked pumpkin seeds and a garlic vinaigrette. It was so incredible that I almost immediately fixed another just like it. So I had two large super fresh super yummy salads in a row and they were awesome. I followed the salads with 2 cacao desserts. I was flying so high from all of this... I haven't really been able to come down since then:) I'm dead serious. Later on in the evening around 7 or 8 I had another salad exactly like the first two and another cacao dessert. I had trouble getting sleepy because I was so friggin energized. I went to bed around 1 AM. I woke up a bit late this morning: 10 AM. It was chilly last night so I slept inside and I think that had something to do with why I slept so late since I have been getting up closer to seven and eight this last week. I woke up with major butterflies in my stomach. The butterflies are back. Today I have eaten: 2 oranges around 11:30. Then...watch out folks...around noon I ate 200, yes 2-zero-zero garlic almonds. And I savored each and every one of those precious little kernels of tastebud-joy! And it doesn't stop there!! I was on such roll, I figured why stop? I was wanting something sweet and I had some of my candied walnuts with me so I ate somewhere in the region of 30-50 pieces of them. hee hee hee hee. And yet, after all of this fat consumption, I didn't feel badly. Full, yes, I felt full. It was not an unpleasant fullness at all, though. The whole experience was quite delightful. And I did feel like such a mischievous renegade for eating in such a fasion (wink)!!! I didn't get hungry again, but around seven I figured I needed to eat something because I don't like skipping dinner. So I fixed a large bowl of salad without avocado or pumpkin seeds, just a garlic dressing. Then I couldn't resist a cacao dessert. I've been drinking massive amounts of water since yesterday afternoon.

This is a good place for me to share a few thoughts on fat. The last few months, I have been giving myself absolute free reign to eat as much fat as I want whenever I want, even late at night. Anyone who has been keeping up with this blog has probably figured that one out already;) So, here is the thing: I really think - I don't know for sure because I don't own a scale - that I have slimmed up a little because my clothes feel looser on me. Also, I pulled out my summer clothes the other day and I was able to fit comfortably into some old size 2 shorts!!! I don't consider myself to be a size 2, I would say I am in the region of a size 4, 6, or 8. So I've been eating loads of fat lately and getting skinnier. I was thinking it might be fun to write a book How I Got Skinny Eating Fat, but I've never really been fat, so people might not take me seriously. I have had some chubbier times, though. And I have had some pretty messed up relationships with food. I've done more than my fair share of "anxiety eating", if you will.

I've been reading Matt Monarch's book Raw Spirit (which is AWESOME, by the way) and he talks about how the newer to raw you are, the more you might need to let yourself overeat raw foods. Someone who has been very raw for just a few months might need to eat more fats and heavy raw foods than somone who has been raw for a year and that same person who has been raw for a year might be eating more than someone who has been raw for five years. He talks about how that is a natural part of the process. He also describes some of his own overeating patterns, especially on the beginning of his journey. I know FULL WELL that I eat more food than my body actually needs, but I eat an amount that I mentally feel comfortable with right now and I know that slowly over time I will settle into smaller and smaller amounts of food. And to be honest, I am afraid to lose weight. I know that I am not fat at all, but I am also not rail thin. I have curves. I am "healthy looking". So even though I know that my body might run more efficiently and that it might be healthier, especially in the long run, for me to eat a little less food, part of me is still really afraid of the changes that might be (and already are) taking place in my body. Thats another reason I want to take this raw journey so slowly. I am feeling better and better about the way I look, but I am a little afraid of that. Whether my looks are actually improving or not, I really can't say, but I feel like they are. I'm not used to it. I'm used to feeling like I don't look that great: old insecurities!!!! Phooey! But, I'm afraid to look awesome. Plain and simple. So I'm goin' real slow...

Here is another observation: the veins in my hand and arm have begun to stick out more - like a man's. I don't know if it is my veins getting bigger or my skin getting tauter or what.

There is one more thing I want to share with everyone:

Last week my friend Simon and I made this video. It is a demonstration of how I've been making that coconut/barleymax drink I keep mentioning. In it, I show how I open a young coconut and use the water from it to make a delicious, detoxifying, energizing GREEN cocktail! Check it out:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4447550020631700094

3 comments:

Gena said...

Tonight I'm grouchy, tired and ready to throw in the "raw" towel! ;o) Then I read Ms. Audry's blog and I end up inspired with a HUGE GRIN on my face! You go girl!

Audry said...

AWESOME!!!!!

You put a HUGE GRIN right back on mine, G!!!!

<3,
Audry

Kier said...

I love your garden...and your thoughts on fat