Sunday, May 6, 2007

Cuckoo For Cacao

Here are some garden pictures from this morning:

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(12:29 AM)
I've decided to try a new approach to these blog entries. I'm going to try leaving out the explicit lists of food that I eat each day and just discuss food and my relations with it a little more naturally - just whatever seems to be interesting. Part of the reason I am doing this is because I think it might be a little boring for you guys to come across these detailed lists of what I've been eating, but its also kinda hard for me to remember it all! Another thing is that I think one of the factors of a healthy relationship with food is not obsessing over it. I can remember going through phases (not so long ago!) where I used to constantly go over in my mind the foods I had eaten so far that day (and the day before). I would play this mental feedback to myself that I was eating too much food - even when I wasn't. The point of this was to hopefully build discipline and get myself to eat less so that I could be thinner. I still try to remember the foods I eat to a certain degree, but not nearly like I used to. And I try to remember them for different reasons, such as this blog! But I will take a little break from all that and see how things go...

Having said that I do want to talk about what I ate today: I had a cocoBmax drink and then a big fat chocolate shake for breakfast. I was feeling a little down-and-out and sorry for myself, so I made this shake out of coconut water and pulp, a few cashews, some agave nectar, vanilla extract, and cacao, and it was really not very good. But I ate it anyway. THEN (!!!) I guess because I was mentally not satisfied yet, I had a big fat serving of cacao dessert (ground cacao and almonds with vanilla and agave nectar). I thought I was going to feel sick and full and gross afterwards the way I used to feel when I would get carried away and eat emotionally...BUT I DIDN'T! I didn't feel bad at all afterwards! I felt calm and energized and if anything, more in touch with my feelings. It was pretty bizarre, but pretty cool. Yet another reason why I love raw food:) Then I had a great salad for dinner and another cacao shake that was just as bad as the first. (I'm trying!). I still ate the whole thing and had my cacao dessert afterwards again (BIG GRIN). hee hee hee...

Now time for a BIG...DEEP...BREATH. I've had some big time emotions surface within the last few days. I feel it is only right for me to mention these because I don't want to pretend every day is peaches and cream if it isn't. Some of the things I have felt over the last couple of days are anger, humiliation, and frustration, to name a few. Most of these feelings surfaced during/after a confrontation I had with a loved one. I've been questioning a lot of things and trying to look deep down inside and right now I just feel kind of numb. I went for a walk to go get some blackberries this evening and I ran into an acquaintance who gave me some very good (absolutely unsolicited!!! I hadn't mentioned any of my recent trials/tribultions) advice: he told me to just let my emotions come to the surface and then just let go of them - rather than trying to analyze them and think them through, to just let them go...that when you try to figure it all out, you are really just feeding more energy into your state of unrest instead of just getting in touch with true peace...I really liked that.

So here I am...at the local university library...making satisfying clicking noises (I like the way it feels to type)...surrounded by anxious college students preparing for finals...breathing deep...feeling tingly...filling up on life...



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5 comments:

Valerie Winters said...

Hi Audry,
Great garden photos.

I like the advice your friend gave you,
“rather than trying to analyze them and think them through, to just let them go...that when you try to figure it all out, you are really just feeding more energy into your state of unrest instead of just getting in touch with true peace”

I keep practicing to come back to the present moment and not let my thoughts carry me away for hours. One of the things that I do that I got from Eckhart Tolle is to just notice all the sounds in your environment as a way to bring you back. Birds, dogs barking, wind through the grass, someone talking across the back fence, a truck backing up….
VW

Audry said...

YES! Valerie, thanks for reminding me of Eckhart Tolle's audio technique for bringing myself back to the present. The ET techniques that I tend to use the most are remembering my breath and drawing attention to the light tingling energy in my skin and fingers, toes, etc.

kittee said...

Hi Audry!

I have been reading your blog off and on, and then last night i sat down and read for awhile. Your posts are very personal and introspective and they inspire me to be more soulfoul in my our journal.

I am freaking out over your garden. I am struggling with mine so much. I am battling tomato hornworms and I just don't know what to do. What are you doing to your soil and how are you battling the bugs? Everything in your garden looks perfect!!

xo
kittee

kittee said...

not just hornworms, i meant to write tomato fruitworms. i stomp on about 15 every day and it makes me feel sad and violent.

i bought some BT and have been using that, but it is slow go. everything you have looks PERFECT!

xo
kittee

Rediscover Raw Food said...

Your garden photos are so inspiring! I'd like to have just a simple kitchen garden--a few herbs and veggies growing in pots. Your pix make me want to try more, but I've got to start somewhere.