Saturday, June 16, 2007
How old am I?
I went to the beach with some of my family a few weeks ago. I learned/remembered something about my mom. She likes the seashells. Even the very, very small ones.
I had a dream this morning just before I woke up. I was with two friends from my childhood, but we were grown up. Not just grown up through. We were these beautiful, pure women. We were...our child selves in the most incredible forms. We met to go swimming together. We were at the beach, but then we walked out to this crazy spot where you could dive into the water from way up above. We just all sat at the top talking, looking down at the water. Being simple girls, just talking and laughing and experiencing pleasure. I was afraid to dive into the water (I have always been afraid of being in water) and was glad we were just sitting at the top. My friends...they understood. They didn't mind. Because they loved me so very much.
I feel different this morning. In the dream I was my child-self. Mostly just pure soul. Pureness. Innocence. Upon waking, I was flooded with all these childhood memories of those two friends and that time in my life. And how good we were and how simple we were and how simple life was. I felt like a part of my brain had opened back up this morning that I hadn't used since way back then.
Yesterday, I sat in my backyard eating a most delicious salad made up of mixed greens from the store, some sunflower greens and cherry tomatoes from the yard, and a creamy fresh basil dressing. Oh, and some some pine nuts. There were children playing in the yard next to mine. I watched them for a while. They were running ALL OVER! And giggling and shrieking and smiling. I used to do that. I want to do it again now.
I saw these pictures the other day of women my age in shorts and shirts jumping...just jumping sooooo gleefully! They were on a lawn. They were having so much fun. I want to jump with them! And do cartwheels and handstands and backbends and walk like a crab and sing songs and ride bikes maybe hula hoop and discover things together. Now THAT sounds like serious fun.
When I was at the beach a few weeks back, my mom and I went for a walk. We found this really special spot that had hundreds and hundreds of beautiful little shells.
This is my mom:
She makes some great faces. She's melodramatic (thats where I get it from).
I wonder if she realizes that she is more beautiful and special than all the shells in all the world. I love her very much.